The Hardest Thing
by mskairijade
Summary: draco must choose between his wife pansy and the love of his life, hermione...


**The Hardest Thing**

_We both know that I shouldn't be here, This is wrong  
And, baby, it's killing me, it's killing you  
Both of us tryin' to be strong  
I've got somewhere else to be, Promises to keep  
And someone else who loves me  
And trusts me fast asleep  
_

Draco Malfoy sat in his study, staring into a lingering fire. His mind on what he was planning to do that night. His new wife, Pansy Parkinson, whom he was forced into marrying by his father who betrothed the two of them when they were still children, was fast asleep in their bedroom on the other end of the house. When he was younger, he had accepted the fact that Pansy would be his wife one day but during his final two years at Hogwarts, his mind changed. That's when he met _her_. Well, he'd always known her since he was eleven but it was the first time that he'd really gotten to know her…Hermione Granger.

For the first five years of their schooling, Hermione and himself were what were considered mortal enemies. She was the best friend of Harry Potter, the boy who lived, and Ron Weasley--two people that Draco was raised to hate and despise. Hermione was also one of those people, for the lone matter that she happened to be muggleborn. Until sixth year, he had never questioned his father on the reasons that he was supposed to hate all Muggleborns, the same reasons that he treated Hermione with loathing and malice since the first day he'd learned of her parentage.

Draco wasn't really ever sure exactly what sparked the change in views, but during the course of their sixth year, he found himself becoming closer and closer to the young witch. She intrigued him and challenged him, something that no one in his life had ever really done before. Their friendship blossomed, secretly of course, for if word got out that he was not only associating with, what his father called, a 'Mudblood', her life would be in danger and he would be as well. They found themselves sneaking owls to each other anonymously and meeting up secretly at night in the secluded back rooms of the library. By the end of the school year, their friendship had moved further and they had shared their first kiss--an electrifying, explosive kiss.

They had been seeing each other in secret for the past two years now, ever since that first kiss. Hermione knew that Draco was betrothed to Pansy but she didn't care. She had fallen in love with Draco during their seventh year, and Draco returned those feelings. But now, now that the wedding had finally happened and he was officially married to Pansy, he just didn't feel right sneaking around behind her back anymore. After all, a wizarding marriage was not something that was taken lightly and divorce was almost completely unheard of. So, after six long months of debating with himself, he finally decided reluctantly to end things with Hermione. It would not be fair to string her along knowing that he could never truly be with her the way they both wanted to be.

Draco glanced at his clock, it was five minutes to midnight. He had owled Hermione earlier that day and asked her to meet him at their 'spot' (an enchanted rose garden on the outskirts of Hogsmeade that they had discovered during their seventh year) at midnight because he had something important to talk to her about. Sighing to himself, he gathered his cloak and apparated to the garden.

_I've made up my mind  
There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that _

Draco arrived there and saw that she was already there, sitting on the edge of the beautiful angel fountain in the center of the maze-like garden, staring into the water. He stood back for a few moments, just watching her. He felt his heart breaking, knowing what he was about to do and it tore him up to know that this may be the last time he ever saw the woman he'd fallen in love with. Hermione's long golden brown curls were cascading down her back, blowing slightly in the small breeze. She was still dressed, obviously, in her work clothes--a mid length black dress, the skirt fluttering gently in the breeze, and a deep green jacket, unbuttoned. She was staring up at the stars and Draco could see the worry and anxiety on her face in the moonlight. Merlin, how he loved this woman.

_  
I know that we'll meet again  
Fate has a place and time  
So you can get on with your life  
I've got to be cruel to be kind_

Draco slowly approached Hermione, a sad smile on his face.

"You look beautiful." He said quietly, grasping her attention and causing her to twist her head around to his direction.

She smiled lovingly at him until she noticed the sad look on his face and her smile faltered. She stood up from her seat on the fountain's edge and walked over to him. As she stopped in front of Draco, she tilted her head towards his and ran her arms up his towards his neck. Draco shuddered a little and, using all his willpower, he slowly removed her hands from their position around his neck and backed away from Hermione.

"Draco?" Hermione asked, her voice full of concern. "Honey, what's the matter?"

She approached him, his back turned to her and his shoulders slumped, and placed a delicate hand on his shoulder. She heard him sigh sadly and felt him take a deep breath.

"Hermione, we cant do this anymore." Draco said quietly, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill from his pale blue eyes.

_Like Dr. Zhivago  
All my love I'll be sending  
And you will never know  
'Cause there can be no happy ending _

Hermione looked at him in shock, his back still facing her. She slowly let her hand slide from his shoulder and brought her hand to her mouth in disbelief. She felt her eyes begin to sting as she tried not to keep back the tears that were beginning to swell behind her eyes.

"You…don't….mean that." She choked out, unable to grasp his words.

She backed away from him slowly, shaking her head in utter disbelief that after all this time, he was breaking it off. Sure, it had been a tough relationship. Always having to hide their true feelings and never being able to truly be just with each other, but they were in love and it didn't matter…at least to Hermione anyway.

_Maybe another time, another day  
As much as I want to, I can't stay_

"Draco, please!" Hermione gasped, pleading with him. "Please, we've made this work for two long years. Don't give up on it now."

She was shaking now as her tears spilled over her eyes and flowed freely down her flushed cheeks. Draco kept her face turned from her, unable to look at her for fear that his willpower would not be able to withstand seeing her hurting. For inside, he was hurting just as much. He felt his heart shatter when he whispered the words that would take her from his life.

"I'm married now, Hermione." Draco said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Pansy loves me and I cant do this to her anymore."

_I've made up my mind  
There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that _

"What about me?" Hermione yelled at him, her feelings overpowering her. "Huh? What about the way I feel!"

Draco took a deep breath, knowing what he had to say. It was something that he dreaded, because he knew that it was a lie and never in the years that he and Hermione had been together had he ever lied to her about anything. Now he was about to tell her the biggest lie ever and it was the hardest thing by far that he had ever done or would probably ever do in his lifetime.

He turned to face her, his resolve almost failing him as he saw the tears streaming down her face and the hurt etched into her beautiful features.

"Hermione," he said quietly, forcing the tears back. "I'm…I'm sorry…I don't…"

His resolve was failing him now, he was choking on the words, unable to force them out. But he knew that he had to say it. He knew it was the only way, he had to lie to her to get her to hate him. Otherwise she would never move on, never get over him. Draco took another deep breath before whispering…

"I don't love you anymore."

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you  
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie  
To show no emotion when you start to cry_

Hermione shook her head furiously. "No…no…you don't mean it." She said quietly.

Draco took a step towards her, wanting to hold her. To let her know that everything would be fine, that she would be happier now without him. Hermione stepped back, not allowing him to get close.

"Why are you doing this!" She said, her voice raising to a yell. "Why are you doing this to me? After everything we've been through, after everything I gave up for you? I love you, Draco Malfoy! How could you just stand there and tell me that you don't love me?"

Draco forced his icy façade, trying desperately to show her that he meant what he said, even though inside he felt like he was dying.

"Because…" He started answering her slowly. "I. Don't. Love. You. Anymore."

_I can't let you see what you mean to me  
'Cause my hands are tied and my heart's not free  
We're not meant to be_

"I'm sorry, Hermione." He said, shaking his head and turning back around to leave. He couldn't stand to stay and watch her fall apart.

Draco heard her collapse to the ground, her sobs growing louder as he walked away from her. As he got to the edge of the fountain clearing, he stopped momentarily.

"Goodbye…my love." He said quietly, glancing back to see Hermione on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

Draco wiped a single tear off his pale face. Taking a deep breath and tearing his eyes from the crying figure of the girl he loved but had to let go, he apparated back to the manor where Pansy was still fast asleep.

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
To turn around and walk away  
Pretending I don't love you _


End file.
